I had a strong feeling that the full moon and forecasted snow on Sunday would nudge our baby earthside. I kept the house clean, created a grocery list, and made sure everything was prepared for the birth. On Saturday, we decided to celebrate Valentine’s day early by going out to dinner at a hip new restaurant. Since Ryan and I very rarely go out to eat, it felt like such a fun and special treat to not have to cook. Fox loved the food and seemingly ate more than I did! Later that night I went to a woman’s circle, hoping the female energy would help prepare baby and I for what was to come. It was maybe the second time I had done something alone for myself since Fox was born (I put him to bed before I left). I came home feeling energized and empowered. That is until Fox decided to wake up and not sleep almost the entire night! I spent all of those hours holding, nursing, and trying everything to get him back to sleep. I finally got him to sleep on me for awhile (which is not comfortable with a 39 week belly) and successfully transferred him to his crib at 4am, and he woke for the day at 6am. Needless to say, I was exhausted. He must’ve known it was the last night to be the baby of the family!
The next morning, I noticed the tiniest bit of blood-tinged mucus when I went to the bathroom. I tried not to get excited, but this was a very good sign that my body was getting ready. I enlisted Ryans help to prep the guest room for our friend who was hopefully going to be photographing the birth. She was flying into town that night. I noticed a little more blood and thought “it’s on!” I also thought I maybe felt some sensations as the morning wore on, but I didn’t want to pay attention to them until they were undeniable. While we were cleaning the guest room I asked Ryan if we should turn the water heater up and he said “I thought we were waiting to do that until early labor?” But instead of letting him know I WAS in very early labor, I asked how long it took to adjust once we turned the dial so I could sneak over and adjust it if I had to. Then Fox pulled a lamp down almost hitting himself with it and I ran and lunged to try to catch it. I had a stronger contraction with that sudden movement so I knew that I wasn’t imagining things! Still, I said nothing to Ryan.
We put Fox down for a nap and I tried to nap too but couldn’t (I think I was too excited), so I asked Ryan to come up and be intimate with me. I still hadn’t let on that today was most likely going to be THE DAY. I figured having a good oxytocin session would seal the deal, plus who knows how long postpartum until that would happen again hah! I then sent Ryan to Trader Joe’s because I wanted to make sure our fridge was fully stocked.
Well, our nap time party really kicked things off! Fox woke up and I went in and nursed him which gave me a much stronger surge. We went downstairs and things began to ramp up. I was going to wait for Ryan to come home to announce that labor had begun, but decided it would be fun to call him while he was shopping. He didn’t answer so I texted him (this was around 1pm) and let him know that Fox was awake and that I thought I was having contractions and he replied that he was stuck in the car wash hahaha. I told him not to worry because they weren’t too close together. I also let my friend know to come straight to our house when she landed.
I tried bouncing on the birthing ball but Fox thought it looked fun too and wanted to be held and bounced on it also which was not helpful during sensations. I tried to walk around and keep Fox happy until Ryan got home. The second he did I went upstairs so I wouldn’t have to hold Fox anymore. Once my sensations got stronger, I was immediately exhausted from getting no sleep. I walked the upstairs rooms with my eyes almost closed, they felt so heavy. But I wasn’t worried about having energy to labor. I knew that if my body really needed rest, it would space the sensations farther apart and I would lie down. That never happened so I knew I could handle things. I really trust the body to know what and when to do things during birth.
I mostly walked back and forth upstairs. I asked Ryan for a protein smoothie but ended up not being able to drink it. I focused on making sure I was drinking water and electrolytes and keeping my bladder empty. At one point I peed in the tub because I couldn’t sit down on the toilet through a sensation, it was too uncomfortable. I had Johnny Swim radio on my Pandora so I could ignore Fox’s noises downstairs. It was really hard for me to let someone else take care of him since I am usually with him all the time! Then I labored on the toilet for a while. Ryan came up to see if I needed anything which I didn’t. He asked if I had been on the toilet a while and I said yes and he said I might want to try a different position soon since doing different things helps to speed things along. I knew he was right, which was annoying.
I got off the toilet a few minutes later and walked back and forth again. I moaned a little and breathed with each contraction. I told Ryan I might be ready for the birth pool soon. I said we should wait 10 minutes because I didn’t want to get in too soon. Then I had another contraction and told him I changed my mind and that I wanted it blown up now! My sensations had moved from high on my belly to lower so I knew I was progressing well and baby was making his/her way down. He got things ready pretty quick, and about 20 minutes later it was full of warm water and ready!
I got in and it felt really nice. I wanted it fuller but Ryan said he started it halfway so we could keep adding water to it when it started cooling down but wouldn’t have to bail water out. That made sense to me but I really wished it was full haha. He turned off my music which bothered me so 2 minutes later I called him to turn it back on. He turned the same radio station on, on his phone on Spotify. It irked me because the sound quality was different so I said “just turn on EXACTLY what I had on” but he explained that there wouldn’t be any commercials on Spotify like I had on Pandora. That made sense so I let it go and didn’t argue. It’s funny how tuned in to certain things I get while laboring. My contractions felt like they really spaced out and I thought “oh crap, am I going to have to get out of the pool?” Things really didn’t feel intense. I kept waiting for the surges to get tough and be on top of one another, but they just stayed the same. I felt like I had to poop but didn’t want to get out of the tub. I was worried that baby was in a position that made it feel like I was ready to push before I was really ready, so I ignored the feeling so as not to strain and make my cervix swollen. But the feeling persisted so I thought “fine, I’ll just poop in the tub. This is birth, that’s totally allowed!” I started pushing to poop and my water broke, which felt like a balloon popping! It felt so bizarre! I actually said “woah!” Out loud.
Ryan was giving Fox a bath right across from our room but I didn’t want to say anything still because I didn’t want to “jinx” it. I kept thinking I would slow things down if I got us excited about my progress. Quickly after my water broke though, I felt the baby’s head descend and felt like I had to start pushing involuntarily. I told Ryan “the baby is coming soon!” And he said “really?” And by that time I could feel the head and said “YES.” He said “okay, I’ll get Fox to bed!” I wanted to tell him I didn’t think he had time but again...I didn’t want him to come in with Fox and then have it take a while. So off they went.
I pushed again and I roared/yelled as loud as I could, but it was so involuntary, it didn’t even feel like it was me yelling! I yelled for Ryan “she’s coming! The baby’s here! Don’t you want to see?!” But he couldn’t hear me over Fox’s white noise so I just thought “wow. I guess he is missing the coolest part!” And continued on. As I yelled for two pushes the baby’s head emerged. I felt the head, and the little tiny ear. The baby kicked which felt very bizarre since he was halfway to being birthed, and I felt the head rotate and a little more of the head/neck area pop out. It felt like the head was out for an eternity! It was pretty surreal. I felt like I was ready to get baby out, so I roared and pushed again and his body slid out and I pulled him up onto my chest. He was SCREAMING! (Born about 5:30pm.)
He cried and cried and I got emotional just having a moment together with the two of us, knowing I had just pushed him out all on my own and I was his mama. I hadn’t known he was a boy but it was the first thing I checked! I couldn’t believe it because I was SURE he was a girl when he was in my tummy! Then Ryan walked in and said “oh my gosh! The baby is already here?!” And walked over and I told him it was a boy. Baby was still crying so I tried to get him to latch but he wasn’t interested! I asked Ryan to grab a towel because I thought he might be cold. After a few minutes Ryan asked if I could get out of the tub because he couldn’t gauge how much I was bleeding due to the water, plus it was full of mucus and poop and such haha. I got out, dried off, went to the bed, and continued to try to soothe baby. Nothing was making him happy and that was hard, because I wanted him to be so happy to be born and in his mama's arms! But he was PISSED. He wanted to go back to the comfy womb!!
Ryan went to comfort Fox who had been crying because his nighttime routine had been changed (I normally nursed him before bed) and then came back after putting him to sleep. He was very helpful with cleaning up and keeping an eye on my bleeding. We communicated with how I was feeling to make sure there were no warning signs or anything amiss, and got a little heater out to keep baby nice and toasty. After about 30 minutes Ryan let me know how much time had passed and asked if I felt any cramps or anything for the placenta. He said “it’s okay if you aren’t, you just told me to ask you these things to keep you aware so I am!” I was grateful he was doing his role as my partner flawlessly. Once he asked me that I realized that I thought I was feeling a tiny bit crampy, but I was so focused on pleasing the baby I hadn’t even noticed! I asked him to go get a big Pyrex bowl, and then got up onto my knees over the bowl. About 2 minutes later I could feel the heaviness of the placenta, gave a little push, and out it came. Easy peasy! We set it aside. I don’t remember exactly when but baby finally calmed down and also latched. I was so happy when he latched great; it’s such a bonding moment.
When baby finally calmed down, we did the cord burning ceremony. Ryan had built a beautiful cord burning box and we used long beeswax candles to cauterize and burn the cord. It was so slow and peaceful and beautiful. It felt extremely special and we both commented that we were very happy we had decided to burn the cord. It took about 20 minutes to fully burn through.
We decided on his name, Finnley. We spent time thinking about if it should be spelled with one “N” or two, and then thought about the middle name. We considered “Joan” after my Grammy who recently passed, and tried to think of other names just in case. We couldn’t think of anything we liked better so we decided that it would most likely be Joan, but I wanted to test it out for a day or two to be sure. I was so invigorated from the birth, I wanted to call all of our family to let them know. I was also STARVING. I asked for this peppercorn pork roast from Trader Joe’s with green beans and mashed potatoes. Ryan went to work on the meal downstairs while Finn and I hung out. He also put my placenta in a bag and in the freezer because I hadn’t decided what I wanted to do with it yet. He made sure to check that it looked complete (no part missing). The only thing that is tough about having an unassisted birth is that all the cleanup and meal prep falls on you too! In early labor I thought about starting a crock pot meal, but I had that mentality of not wanting to jinx things, so I never did it. As Ryan was cooking I really wished I had!
Food was finally ready and we chowed down. Then we decided to call our parents, but send a group text to everyone else and call people another day, because we were coming down from the high and were getting tired. Remember...I had only slept 2 hours the night before after being up with a baby squishing me in a recliner!!
It was so fun letting our family know that Finnley had arrived after a quick and easy 4 ½ hour labor. They asked questions about his weight and midwives and I dodged them like a pro, because I hadn’t told anyone I was doing an unassisted birth! We finally calmed down and got ready for sleep. I kept reliving the birth in my head, particularly when I felt his soft little head of hair and little ear while he was being born. I was so happy at how easy and quick it had been. I am beyond joyous that I choose to have a Freebirth...it was so simple, fulfilling, and easy.